The FUNNIEST thing that I have ever read!!!

February 08, 2009

The FUNNIEST thing that I have ever read!!!

Okay, this has NOTHING to do with weight loss whatsoever, but I wanted to share it because I thought it was hilarious! I got this in an email from a friend, it made me laugh SO hard! Here it is!

WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy 's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.'

'' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.'

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'

''Look around,' said the sales lady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from .

'Relieved, the man asked about the types. The sales lady replied:

'There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.Which one would you prefer?' Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Sales lady responded, 'It is all really quite simple....

The Catholic type supports the masses;

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;

and The Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.

'Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can't Complain!...
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang!...
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!...

P.S. They forgot the German bra... Holtzemfromfloppen

Comments

Korry.Taffee.Jaci.Milo said…

:) haha thats silly:)

Monday, February 09, 2009

A list of ways on how I will acheive my goal weight...

I will say the words "I Believe in myself!" and mean it!
The saying "A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips!" makes me think twice before I take a bite!
I will surround myself with positive people.
I will treat my body like a temple and not like a garbage can!
The words "Exercise Diva" WILL describe me!
I will make exercise a priority
I will make a conscious effort into eating more whole grains in my diet, and also by getting more fiber into my diet
I will eliminate the white stuff such as white flour, white pasta, white sugar, white rice, and simple carbs
When I go shopping at the store, I will try to shop more on the perimeter of the store. That's where the healthiest foods are found, and also so that I won't be tempted by processed foods
I will use my food scale more so that my portion sizes are accurate
If I have a set back or if I experience a plateau, I will see it as a challenge so that I don't give up on my weight loss journey
I will remember these words: PORTION CONTROL
If I do happen to over-eat, I will up my exercise so that I burn those extra calories
When I have the munchies, I will stop for a minute to think about if I am truly hungry, or if I just want to eat junk food. If I really do want to eat junk food, I will have a bite, then put the rest down or give it away, That way I won't be tempted to eat the rest
I will have a no-fail enviornment in my home so that I won't be tempted to eat junk food. I will keep healthy convenience foods on hand when I need a snack such as apples, peaches, oranges, bananas, etc...
When I feel like I'm stressed out, I will relieve that stress by doing non-food things. I will do things like take a walk, or talk with a friend.
When I workout, I will workout smarter and not harder by keeping my target heart rate in my fat-burning zone. That will be more effective when trying to lose weight
I will try not to skip meals. That way I am less likely to gorge myself on garbage
If I do feel like I need a treat, I will remember this word: MODERATION
I will eat only the foods that are healthy for my body.
I will control my sodium intake
If I am craving a snack, I will eat something healthy. That way I won't ruin my whole day
I will journal EVERYTHING that I eat
When I think I'm hungry or bored and I have the munchies, I will do something that does NOT involve food, such as getting on my treadmill, or do a workout DVD. That way the urge to eat will pass and I will get some great exercise done
When I go to any store, I will park as far away from the entrance as possible so that I can sneak in some extra steps
I will acheive my goal by eating healthier, by making a conscious effort into making my physical body better, and I will also make a conscious effort into my mental and spiritual health. By believing that I am a worthy person of love, of compliments, and that I am a good wife and mother
I want to be a healthier and a hotter me!
I want to be more sculpted and lean
I want to get rid of my ugly FLAB!!!
I believe that by losing weight I will be a better wife and mother
I'm sick of being fat and overweight
I'm tired of feeling bad about myself
I have made the decision to change
I do my exercise in the mornings after I bring my kids to school. That way I get it done and have no lame excuses later in the day why I didn't exercise
I do cardio training for at least 35 minutes 3 days out of the week, and I also do strength training for at least 35 minutes on the other 3 days out of the week, alternating the two. I then take the seventh day off to rest
I learned a nifty trick to burn calories the smart way. Eat a large breakfast, a medium-sized lunch, and a small dinner. You will burn more calories this way since your metabolism is high in the mornings and then slows at night. If you are eating less calories at night, you are more likely to burn off the calories that you take in during the day when your metabolism is high thereby helping you to lose weight
When I eat a meal, I have learned to pay attention to my hunger signals, and not eat till I'm overly full. That way I am less likely to over eat and stuff myself
Looking at my "Before" pictures makes me really motivated! I will NEVER go back to being at that weight again!
When I post about my progress to my weight-loss blog, it really helps to keep me motivated to keep going!
I drink MORE water when I feel like I have the munchies, that way I feel full and I'm less likely to eat something that's JUNK
I think of this as a Life style change!
I realize that if I want a treat, I only need a bite of it to make me happy instead of a watermellon-sized piece!
I want to see my clavicle's again! LOL
People's comments and support mean a lot to me!
I've found that when I use a SMALL plate to eat my meals, my brain is tricked into thinking it's had enough food. It's weird!
I am more positive. If I didn't do so well on a certain week, then I just do better next time.
Activities in my daily life are SO much easier to do, such as getting up off the floor! (Oh boy!)
Size 6! Here I come!
I WILL get rid of all of my fat clothes! LOL
I use the message boards on WeightWatchers.com to gain more help when I'm frustrated or when I've accomplished a goal
I have a picture of myself when I was at my best weight in my food journal as montivation to keep going
I learned what it's like to actually be hungry
I'm talking ALOT more now that I feel better about myself! (Why can't I just SHUT UP?) LOL
I feel like clothes are looking a lot better on me
I try to plan ahead for eating out
I am finally making myself and my health a priority
I definately feel prettier, stronger, and healthier
My husband is VERY supportive about what I'm doing! He's AWESOME!
I drink more water
I examine food labels of what I eat more carefully
I get more fiber in my diet
When I am craving something that is a fattening food, I think about if I like the item better in it's container? or if I like that item better on my hips? LOL
I write down EVERYTHING that I eat!
I will choose healthy foods that make me stronger and healthier
I will get some sort of exercise done no matter what!
Losing weight will help me to be a better wife and mother
I bring healthy snacks with me where ever I go
Losing weight will help me to feel better about myself
I really want to be healthy again
I don't like the word "obese"
I made the committment to myself
HERBALIFE is the most AWESOME program out there!
And last but not least, I'm becoming the healthier & hotter me that I was meant to be!

Quotes that I love...

** "Always fight for your dreams because they do come true!"
** "Re-evaluate who you are, and what you want out of this life, and go for it! Today is a new day. Another day to be a better person, to not settle for anything less then what you deserve! Sometimes it's hard to realize that we are more then what we think we're worth, but to someone upstairs, we matter an awful lot ;) Strive upward, onward and with a purpose in your life!"
** “Everybody builds a dream in their lifetime. You’re either going to build your dream, or somebody else's. So build your own!" ~ Christopher LaBrec
** "A lovely young lady resides with in this god given earthly frame."
** "Do NOT fear change. Embrace it! Please don't shut yourself off to opportunities because the way isn't immediately clear to you. Take a step!" Richelle Carrey from HLN News
** "If someone calls me BIG BONED, is that a nice way of calling me FAT? because bones don't jiggle. But I still jiggle." Sean Symons
** Time is an illusion... This life goes by SO quickly! Tell your loved ones that you love them now! Love your family now no matter how hard things get, no matter how crazy your kids make you feel! Tell them that you love them! Take better care of yourself NOW because yesterday is gone, today is nearly over, and tomorrow hasn't happened yet. Make a CHOICE to LIVE your BEST life! Make a choice NOW to appreciate the small moments that matter! Make a CHOICE to love YOURSELF more and to appreciate every single day you have on the earth, cuz it goes by SO fast! Live Fiercely, with a Purpose, and with with Passion! Cuz existing just plain SUCKS! Time is the illusion, reality is the wonderful/crazy/stressfull/blissful state that we live and exist and endure here on earth until we pass away. It's the little moments that matter most! The question is what are we each gonna do with that short time we have? Are we going to watse it? Or are we going to try to make the most out of it and live fiercely until we kick the bucket and have no regrets cuz we will have done our best? Something i've been pondering and i think it's worth giving a thought or two...:)
** "You stand in your own light, Make it Shine!"
** When you reach your own summit you will be SO proud of yourself!! Reaching your own summit is amazing! but it's the choices along the way to get you there that matter even more because you are CHANGING and MAKING A CHOICE for change!
** Change doesn't happen over night. It takes time, it's difficult and often makes us want to give up, but it is worth all the bumps in the road to get to your destination!
** Do you think it's a myth that we get better with age? I don't! It just takes more effort but it's totally doable!
** "Remember, when you see the man standing at the top of the mountain, he didn't fall there!!!!" Crystal J Maxfield
** “It isn't until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are..not necessarily a religious feeling, but deep down, the spirit within...that you can begin to take control” Oprah Winfrey
** "When you give with joy, joy is your reward."
** "Indulge your every whim."
** "Live well and beauty will shine through."
** "Say 'I love you' every day to your loved ones!"
** "Be the silver lining in another's cloud."
** "Love yourself. Dare to Dream. Live on Purpose!"
** "Look for love in unexpected places."
** "Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret"
** "Never let the sense of past failure defeat your next step"
** "Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently"
** "I am a Victor not a Victim"
** "What you think about, you bring about"
** "The only way to fail is to quit"
** "Do not look for approval except for the consciousness of doing your best."
** "If you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting" Dave Ramsey
** "Look at the light at the end of the tunnel as something other than an on-coming train!" Dave Ramsey
** "Don't exist in life so long that you've forgotten to dream! Start dreaming now and dream big, but actions with a dream will help those dreams become a reality!"
** "Don't let a fear of rejection, a fear of failure, or a fear of failing stop you from wanting to get better, to get healthier. Try, and then if you fall short, try again. You're only a failure if you stop trying! Remember that!"
** "Excuses are like Butts, everyone has one, but rarely do you hear or see a good one! Lets change that shall we and make them better...... the butts that is, NOT the excuses!!!!"
** "I do it cuz I can, I can cuz I want to, I want to cuz you said I couldn't!"
** "Success is in direct correlation to work ethic! As you dig deeper today, remind your self: MY BODY, MY ACCOMPLISHMENT! And now, we WORK!" Shaun T, Creatore of Insanity
** "Impossible is just a big word thrown around by men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact, it is an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration, it is a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing!"
** "Choose the pain of discipline or the pain of regret." Marc Martinez
** "Even with baby steps, Everest is conquerable! Nobody summits Everest alone and if you have a good team of friends that are roped to you, you succeed together!" Marc Martinez, my Beachbody Coach
** "A smile is like a Happiness Addiction, there's no way for anyone to possibly have a bad day when you smile!" John Desmarais
** "The 3 C's of life: choices, chances and changes ~ You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change." Shannon Skeen
** "If you want to be extraordinary, get out of your ordinary comfort zone and do extraordinary things consistantly. Like Zig Ziglar said 'The major difference between the big shot and the little shot is the big shot is just a little shot who kept on shooting.'" Marc Martinez
** "There is one quality which one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it." Napoleon Hill
** "If you want your future to be miserable and crappy then keep dwelling on the bad stuff in your past. Remember, it's called the past for a reason." Tara Casey
** "Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." Julia-Ryan Nielsen
** "Make up your mind that you want health instead of junk foods!! Never forget how bad you used to feel when eating junk. This keeps me in check. I think I want something and so I take a bite. It is horrible, so I won't even swallow it! It is just not worth it!! I want health...so I eat healthy! I look and feel better then I ever have and I like this new person I've become." Helen Phillips from The Biggest Loser
** No one can tell you that you CAN'T do anything but you! The word "can't" isn't in my vacabulary anymore and I like it that way. How 'bout you?!
** "These are 3 steps to create and live the life you choose. #1 Imagine your goals. #2 Adopt a positive attitude and have faith in your ability to achieve those goals. #3 Actualize your goals. Everything in life is a choice. The only way to live your dreams is to master the art of conscious choice making. Become aware and in control by evaluating every one of your choices, no matter how big or small, with two simple critical questions: 1-What are the consequences of the choice I am making? and 2-Will this choice bring me closer to my goals? Learn to listen and take cues from your body when making tough decisions. With these techniques you can make bold and deliberate choices that create the end result you are seeking." Making the Cut by Jillian Michael's
** "Weight loss is not a one-night stand. It's a marriage." BJC (a blog I read)
** "If it's moving, it's losing!" Ali Vincent of The Biggest Loser
** "There's no more skating through life." Bob Harper of The Biggest Loser
** "The best advice I got from the trainers was when Bob really helped me understand to celebrate me today -- really understand to enjoy the small victories and keep moving on to achieve others. In doing so, I just looked a few steps ahead of me every week on the ranch. I gave myself realistic goals and killed them every chance I had. It is greatly due to that method that I did how I well I did the whole season through." Michael Ventrella, winner of The Biggest Loser Season 9
** Which would you rather say to yourself? A-"What if I fail?" or B-"What if I succeed?" How much more could you accomlish if you had a positive attitude?!
** "The sky is the limit!" Michael Ventrella Winner of Season 9 The Biggest Loser
** "Remember, every step you take toward reaching your weight loss goal is really a gift that you give to yourself. When you eat right and exercise, you are taking care of yourself, treating yourself with respect, and acknowledging that you deserve to be healthy and happy." Bob Green's book "The Best Life"
** "Each day you take a few small steps, then build on them day after day. There may be set backs, everyone has them, but those victories will add up, and then pretty soon you'll be amazed at how different your life has become. And what could be more alluring than the prospect of waking up to your best life? So roll up your sleeves and get to work! Bob Green's book "The Best Life"