Okay, I think my body is stuck on PAUSE and it's making me crazy! NO CHANGE in the scale, as usual. My blog is becoming boring with no weight losses to post about. It's not for a lack of trying though, that's for sure. I've been working out for 6 days a week and really working my butt off, literally and figuratively. I'll just keep working at it and eventually my body is gonna have to just lose this fat. I mean c'mon! It can only hold onto the fat for so long right? Eventually it's gonna have to let go of the dang fat! Just let it go! PLEASE! I'm willing to say good bye to the fat, why can't my body? I don't get it! I taped myself this morning and my body is still at the same measurements, but only my weight fluctuates 1 to 2 pounds. What is going on here? I have noticed that when Aunt Flow comes to visit once a month that I do see an increase in my weight by a few pounds but it's frustrating. I just WANT to see a number lower then 157 on my scale. Oh well, I'm just gonna keep doing the work until I do see a difference in the dang scale. My body's gotta give up the pounds sooner or later (hopefully sooner then later).
So, I'm sitting here eating some cottage cheese with Ocean Spray dried cranberries in it. It might sound gross eating those two things together but I like it. It's the only way I can eat cottage cheese, if I ate the cottage cheese alone, I think I would gag. Anyways, here's a funny thought that I just had. I would rather eat the cottage cheese then wear cottage cheese! LOL That's one thing that I used to hate about my body was that "cottage cheese-like" appearance my skin used to have. My booty, my belly. It was everywhere. I'm SO happy to say that I no longer have that problem! LOL Having cottage cheese-like bumps everywhere isn't a very pleasant thing to have.
I think I might be THE biggest boob in the world. LOL Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. I really busted my butt in the gym today. I really worked hard, and sweat was flying all over that Stair Stepper machine. I was pushing myself, probably too much. I did 20 minutes on the Stair Stepper machine, then I did 20 minutes on the Treadmill walking on the highest incline that it would go to and I was really walking a fast pace. I didn't feel like running today, but the walking sure was a great workout. Anyways, I got done with my workout, I go into the bathroom, and then the flood gates opened. I just started to cry. I am the biggest boob I swear. This lady that works at the gym was in there, and I was talking to her, crying, and all I could say at first was "It's so hard!" I couldn't seem to say anything else at the moment for some reason. This lady was understanding though and I really appreciate it. I feel SO dumb about it now though. WHY oh why can't I just stop being so emotional??? Being a woman is such a pain sometimes! LOL My "crying" episode still bugs me. What is wrong with me. Am I the only one who cries? Or rather am I the only one who cries in public? LOL I'm SUCH A BOOB! LOL Maybe there's an emotional man out there somewhere. LOL
My goals for week are:
Eat more Fruits and Vegetables
- Drink more water
- Try not to eat so many processed foods
- Don't cry in public!!!!
- DON'T EAT THOSE COOKIES THAT I JUST MADE TODAY! (This one is gonna be SO hard!)
Yes, that's right, I made some cookies with my kids the other day. Chocolate Chip cookies, and Peanut Butter cookies. I had 3 peanut butter cookies today. I'm gonna TRY to not have any more. It's going to be hard though. I just look at the tray they're on and it's like they're saying to me "C'mon! Eat just one of us. We're not THAT bad for you. One won't hurt. We taste REALLY good! Eat one!" They are tempting little boogers let me tell ya! Maybe I should just put them in a container and put them in the cabinet so that I don't see 'em. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Maybe if I just stay full on fruit then I won't want to have any more cookies. The other night, I had 1 chocolate chip cookie, just 1. At first it tasted really good. Then after I ate it, I felt terrible. I felt like I wanted to throw up. My body just can't handle sugar the way it used to be able to. It's strange how one little cookie can make me feel that way. For some reason I just keep eating junk every once in a while. Then I end up paying for it and feeling like crap afterwards. I seem to know that by eating certain foods then I will feel a certain way, but then I keep eating them. WHY??? Do I just have a need to learn things the hard way in life? My heck. I need to just get a grip. It's just a cookie. Eating one is okay. I just need to make sure I don't over do it. That's how I got fat to begin with. I ate unconsciously and didn't pay attention to how food made me feel and what it did to my body. I'm SO glad that I'm more in tune with my body these days.
I was looking through some pictures that were taken a year ago back on April 3, 2008. I just can not believe how my face looked. It's strange. Here, see for yourselves.
Taken on April 26, 2009
Strange huh! It's kind of neat to see that my hair hasn't changed at all. I'm getting sick of it as a matter of fact. I really want to change my hair style, but I'm not sure when I'll do it. Should I wait until I reach my goal weight? or should I just do it now since I've lost almost 40 pounds? Not sure when I'll do it. But I'm thinking a dramatic change. But I'm not sure if I have the guts to cut it short? It's a little scary to go short when I've had long hair for years. Anyways, I am always glad that I took pictures of myself through this last year. It's pretty neat to be able to see the difference. I will never go back to how I was before, an obese woman. I love who I am today. I'm a healthier woman who has worked hard to lose the almost 40 pounds that I've lost so far, and a person who loves herself more! I will never go back to being what I was. Who would want to?!
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